Okay, BMO. Bank of Montreal. Founded in freakin' 1817. That's like, before electricity was a thing. So, yeah, tradition. They've got that nailed down. But does that mean they're worth a damn in 2025? Let's be real.
Teddy Bears and GICs: What's the Connection?
So, they're doing this "Teddy Toss" thing again. Fine. Throw a bunch of stuffed animals on the ice for underprivileged kids. Good PR. Makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy. (See: BMO Teddy Toss returns to LaBahn for 2025)
Meanwhile, they're hawking GICs with rates that barely beat inflation. I mean, come on. You're gonna lure people in with the promise of up to 2.75% on a two-year RateRiser Plus GIC? That's not an investment; that's a slightly less terrible way to lose money slowly. It's like offering someone a participation trophy for getting ripped off.
And don't even get me started on the market-linked GICs. "Up to 40.0%!" Yeah, up to. Meaning you'll probably get squat. It's gambling dressed up in a suit and tie.
Trupanion: Undervalued or Just Plain Ugly?
Then there's this Trupanion thing. Apparently, BMO has some "partnership" with them. Trupanion, the pet insurance company that's supposedly undervalued. Analysts are all excited, saying it's gonna surge. Fair value of $56.50!
But the stock's been tanking. Down nearly 20% year-to-date. The market's not buying what they're selling.
And a P/E ratio of 107.8x? Are you kidding me? That's insane. It's like paying $500 for a pair of sneakers because the promise they'll make you run faster.
What's driving this supposed undervaluation? "Improved underwriting discipline." Translation: they're getting stingier with payouts. "Focus on higher lifetime value pets." Translation: they're targeting rich people who'll spend a fortune on their Pomeranians.
It's all smoke and mirrors. They're trying to paint a picture of a company on the verge of explosive growth, but the numbers just don't add up. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe everyone else is seeing something I'm not. But I doubt it.
GICs: A "Wide Selection" of Mediocrity
BMO brags about their "wide selection" of GICs. Cashable, non-cashable, market-linked, U.S. dollar, Air Miles... Who gives a damn? It's like boasting about having 50 different shades of beige paint.
They've got terms from "a few months up to a decade." A decade! You're locking your money up for ten years for a measly 3.35%? Are people really this desperate?
Offcourse, they offer a Savings Builder account where you can earn up to 2.5% interest... if you increase your balance by at least $200 each month. So, you have to give them more money to get a slightly better return? It's a pyramid scheme with a banking license.
I need a drink.
BMO: More Like "B-No"
Look, BMO is a bank. They're in the business of making money off your money. They're not your friends. They don't care about your financial well-being. They care about their bottom line.
And they'll dress it all up in fancy marketing and feel-good initiatives like the Teddy Toss, but at the end of the day, it's the same old story: banks win, you lose.
So, bank on tradition if you want. But don't expect it to get you anywhere.
