Alright, so Uber and Nvidia are cozying up now? Driverless tech, huh? Give me a break. Last I checked, we're still waiting for these freakin' things to actually, you know, drive without turning into mobile demolition derbies.
The "Future" Is Always 5 Years Away
It's always the "next big thing," ain't it? Driverless cars, flying cars, teleportation… Meanwhile, I'm still stuck in traffic with some moron who can't figure out how to use a blinker. Nvidia's gonna rake in the dough, supposedly, because driverless cars need "increasing computing requirements." Yeah, well, so does running Crysis on max settings, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and buy NVDA stock tomorrow.
And Tesla? Don't even get me started on Elon Musk and his promises. The guy's a master of hype, I'll give him that. But let's be real, how many fully autonomous Teslas are actually out there, not requiring constant human intervention? Zero. Point. Zero.
This whole driverless thing feels like one giant circle jerk for tech bros who've never actually parallel parked a car in their lives.
Uber's Desperate Pivot
Let's talk about Uber for a second. They're partnering with everyone these days, aren't they? Toast (TOST) for restaurants, Nvidia for driverless cars... What's next, a collaboration with NASA to deliver pizzas to the moon? Toast stock gains after announcing partnership with Uber (TOST:NYSE)
Uber's Q3 earnings are supposedly gonna be down 44.2% from last year, even though revenues are predicted to be up. How does that even work? Oh right, it's called "losing money on every transaction but making it up in volume," the classic Silicon Valley strategy.
Analysts are all hopped up on hopium, predicting UBER stock's gonna skyrocket. UBS raised its price target to $124. Guggenheim's even more optimistic, slapping a $140 target on it. They're talking about "industry-leading" networks and "re-accelerating" delivery businesses.
I see a company flailing around, trying to find a way to justify its existence in a world where people are starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, paying someone else to drive you five blocks isn't the most sustainable business model. Offcourse, I use Uber sometimes... Am I part of the problem? Maybe.
The Robotaxi Pipe Dream
UBS says "slower robotaxi adoption gives Uber more room to grow profits in the near-term." Translation: "We know the driverless thing isn't happening anytime soon, so Uber can keep squeezing its human drivers for a little while longer."
The whole "gig economy" thing is a scam, plain and simple. Companies like Uber built their empires on the backs of underpaid workers who don't get benefits, don't get job security, and get treated like disposable cogs in a machine. And we're supposed to believe that replacing those drivers with robots is going to magically solve all the problems? Please.
This Is Just Another Shiny Object
Look, I'm not saying driverless cars will never be a thing. Maybe someday, in a far-off, utopian future, we'll all be zipping around in autonomous vehicles while sipping robot-made cocktails. But right now? It's just a bunch of hype designed to pump up stock prices and distract us from the fact that Uber's core business model is fundamentally broken.
So, What's the Real Story?
It's smoke and mirrors, people. Don't fall for it. Uber's trying to look like it's on the cutting edge, Nvidia's trying to sell more chips, and Wall Street's trying to make a quick buck. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
